Dark Skies and Clouded Dreams
by eddiebell69
Summary: One shot entry for the Beyond the Pale contest. Bella Swan is happily in love with Edward Cullen but life's wicked ways and fate change her destiny, how will she cope with the consequences? Non-Canon/OOC


I'm back! And this time around, I've got a whole bunch of angst and emo! I know I'm not a pro, but I write from the heart and with all my soul. I hope you enjoy!

This story **would not be **possible at all without my bb, **TanglingShadows**, who holds my hand, pre-reads, corrects and listens to my crazy ass rants. I'd be nothing without her. Big huge thanks to **StAngelS** and **maxandmo **for beta'ing my baby, especially since I freaked out so much on them with time tenses. Je suis le fail! **Lotsa love** to **sscana**, **cvds** and **heathermichelle76** for pre-reading this puppy.

**- Beyond the Pale Contest -**

**Title:** Dark Skies and Clouded Dreams

**Pen name:** eddiebell69

**Characters:** Bella/Edward/Victoria

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters. I just own a very emo state of mind.

This story includes drinking, as well as dark themes; please read at your discretion.

**Image that Inspired you:** #3 **(www . bit . ly/crDj1X)**

**WARNING: **

**THIS STORY IS NOT WUSSPERV FRIENDLY AT ALL!**

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_**Dark Skies and Clouded Dreams**_

This floor is crackling cold  
She took my heart, I think she took my soul  
With the moon I run  
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven by the strangled vein  
Showing no mercy I do it again  
Open up your eye  
You keep on crying, baby  
I'll bleed you dry  
The skies are blinking at me  
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer

And it's coming closer

You shimmy shook my boat

Leaving me stranded, all in love on my own

_**Closer**_**, Kings of Leon**

As I sit in my room, looking out of my window, I realize it is night time. There are no stars tonight and no moon can be seen; the clouds have cloaked and consumed it. The artificial darkness I've created in an attempt to block everything out is the same outside. I laugh at that thought; everything around me embodies how I feel inside of my broken heart and soul.

I take my glass of Label Five scotch and down the remaining liquor, which isn't much; the glass is half empty.

As the alcohol makes its way down my throat, the tears begin to stream down my cheeks. How is it possible to weep after all I've cried these past few days? It seems impossible to me. I thought I had shed enough tears to form a sea, yet they keep coming…and coming…and coming. They are never-ending.

I figure I need more alcohol to numb me; to consume me; to put me in a stupor where everything will be forgotten. I refill my glass and look out the window again, staring at the clouds overtaking the sky. As I take a sip from my glass, I hope it will give me the peaceful slumber that I haven't had lately, yet desperately need.

I have no idea how I am functioning correctly, I haven't slept, or eaten in days and it isn't that I don't want to but rather that I just can't. My appetite is gone and sleeping is… well, it's just missing. It isn't the first time I've gone through this, but it definitely feels worse. I don't want sleep anyway. If I ate, it'd probably come back up anyway, along with all the scotch; it's all working out perfectly fine.

I'm sure I probably look like shit because I most definitely feel like it. My emotional burden has overtaken me physically; my heart has been broken beyond repair and as an effect, it has broken me too. Not only does my heart hurt but so does my soul. Every part of my body aches with the pain that consumes me. I am shattered inside out, my brokenness seeping through me, exposing how damaged I truly am. I've refused to look in a mirror because then I can also see the deterioration, not just feel it.

Whenever I look in a mirror, the person who is reflected is not whom I want to see. I want to see the Bella that I'd been before this entire catastrophe, but I can't have her back. She is gone. I am just the damaged and empty shell of whom I'd once been.

That's why I broke all the mirrors in my room. I did it one by one, slowly. I threw whatever would break them easily and was close to me. There were only three mirrors in the first place, which means twenty-one years of bad luck for me. I scoff and chuckle darkly thinking over that idea. Can I really have any more bad luck?

Being me, probably so.

I close my eyes as I remember what has led to this; to the destruction of everything that I'd had and whom I'd been. As the memories come back, I feel the weight of them crashing over me. As I gasp for air, I feel how the pain suffocates me. My chest constricts just as the shuddering sobs erupt and envelope me once again.

That's why I want to drown my pain, to let the scotch drift me away and help me forget, if only for tonight. I am too tired but can't manage to sleep because the anxiety engulfs me. Not to mention that when I lie in bed, I brood over all the things I've done there with _him_. With Edward, the cause of my destruction, and that, though it seems impossible, hurts even more.

I can see his body flush against mine as he rocked into me slowly and whispered words of love. I can feel the warmth of our hands as we'd held them together the first time he made love to me. I could almost feel the heat from his passionate kisses and touches on my skin.

Remembering the nights when he would pound into me with reckless abandon, and when we would both lose control, made my body react all over again. I loved waking up with him in that bed to see him smiling down at me after he spent the night. But Edward will no longer be able to do those things with me.

I shut my eyes tighter as I recalled how perfect everything had been…

_Edward and I had been dating for over a year and were completely in love, or so I thought. We had been practically inseparable, but things started changing when he'__d gotten hired at Walker Industries. _

_He was under James Walker'__s wing, which Edward was very proud of. James__'__ team was one of the top adv__ertising teams in Chicago, which meant that Edward had been working late almost every night. _

_At first__,__ he __would__ come over to my place so tired that he'd practically fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. What upset me the most was that we had lost our physical relationship; we hadn't had sex in weeks. Edward and I had always been very __physical, so that's what tipped me off that something just wasn't right._

_During the nights he__ stayed over before, we__'__d hardly slept at all. We__'__d always been __so wrapped up in each other, kissing, making love or simply just talking and being us. When we had taken showers together, the water would always run cold before we got out. We had been insatiable, but Edward didn'__t seem to want me anymore__._

_Soon afterward, he stopped coming over all together and I spent most nights alone. We began to argue constantly as he was on edge most of the time and my anxiety betrayed me. I'__d call him and he__'__d have his cell phone off. Whenever I called his office, he was always in __'__meet__ings'__, so I didn__'__t bother calling him anymore__._

_The night of my birthday was my breaking point; Edward hadn't called or even shown any sign of remembering the date. I had gone out with my friend__s__ to a local bar to celebrate__. They__ begged me to go despite the fact that I was not in the mood at all. Needless to say, I drank away my pain and got completely drunk. My best friend__,__ Lucy__,__ had taken me home and __s__tayed with me when I finally broke down. _

_The next day, after Lucy left, Edward showed up at my apartment asking me where I'd been and why I hadn't answered his phone calls. I'd forgotten that I__had __turned off my cell phone after I'd left for the bar and hadn't turned it back on. __T__hat was beside the point; I'd wanted to know why he hadn't called before. Better yet, __I__ wanted to make him feel bad for forgetting my birthday… so I did._

"_I'm sorry, Edward, but I went out last night with my friends to celebrate my birthday, because it was yesterday, you know?" I said looking up at him__.__"_That's_ why I turned off my cell phone. I figured you were too busy to call me anyway."_

_Edward was speechless, __as he stood __in front of me__. He gaped at me for what was probably a minute__before__ he recovered__._

"_I'm so sorry, Bella. I was just too __busy. I__ was at the office until late and I didn't have time to call you. I promise I'll make it up to you, baby. I promise."_

_I moved back as he tried to hug me__.__ "Oh, yeah? __When a__re you going to have time for that, Edward? You're always 'too busy'?" I quoted him._

"_Baby, you know I have a lot of work at the office right now. James has gotten the team so many new projects lately that I haven't been aware of the dates… and I... I've been… I have so many things going on right now,"__h__e said nervously._

"_I know you do, Edward, and that__'__s what hurts m__e the most. You have so much going on that you don'__t even have time for _me _anymore. I know this job is important to you, so I'__m not going to stand between you and what you want any longer,__"__ I said with an air of conviction I didn__'__t know I had in me. _

"_Wh__at do you mean, Bella?"__ Edward asked dumbfounded__._

"_It means that you and I are over. From this point on, you don__'__t have to worry about me. There are far more important things to you, obviously, as you__'__ve proven that over these last few months,__"__ I said whil__e I tried to reign in my anger and tears. I didn'__t want him to see me crumble; I had to wait, I would wait._

"_Bella, baby, I love you," Edward whispered._

"_I love you too, Edward, _so much_, but sometimes loving somebody is just not good enough, at least not for me."__ I said as I closed my eyes and prepared myself to say the next words that I knew would break my heart. I took a deep breath and fisted my hands, willing with all my might that the motion would give me the strength to go on with my decision, __"__I can__'t go on, Edward, this needs to stop now, before it'__s too late__…"_

_I __e__xpected Edward to argue my point, but I was only met with silence. __I__ opened my eyes and saw him standing in front of me. H__e__looked at me with the most pained expression I'd ever see__n __him sport__._

"_I__'__m so sorry, Bella. You have _no idea_ how sorry I truly am. I never wanted to hurt you. All I ever wanted was to love you and I did it all wrong. I'__m so sorry,__"__ he said, as he leaned down and kissed my forehead softly__. _

_With that h__e __left. He __t__urned around and left my apartment without another word. I was too stunned to really acknowledge how quickly everything had happened; how the man I loved gave up so easily on us. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't until then that I __a__llowed myself to release the tear__s __I had been holding __back. I__ cried and cried until I __wasn't__ able to cry anymore._

With that thought, I was brought back to the present. The nights that followed were just like the ones I was living now, but not so terrible. I would stay up at night in my bed and wondered what Edward was doing; if he thought of me, and why had he didn't fight harder for me...for us.

I couldn't understand _why_; why he'd left so easily and hadn't even tried to work things out, or tried to convince me that what I was doing was wrong. It was as if he'd just been waiting for something to happen so he could leave me. I couldn't fathom what I'd done wrong, or what he'd done wrong, according to him. His last words kept repeating themselves in my head and I couldn't figure it out.

I wondered what could have been more important than my birthday. Edward was not like that at all. All the time I had known him, he'd been very organized. All of his important dates, meetings and appointments were checked first thing in the morning but he had changed so much.

Finding out the reason, or trying to come up with an explanation for his change, was what really kept me up at night. I had been so determined to find out, not really envisioning that the real reason would tear me apart.

_It had been almost two weeks when I decided that I would try to get Edward back. I would apologize for being so foolish and for letting him go. I had gone to his apartment determined to fix things between us, not really thinking about what I was going to do. __It was very late and __extremely __cold outside, the winter chill numbing me. When I approached his door, __a__ll my senses were awaken__ed__ by his close presence._

_My breat__h__ caught in my throat as__ the door was finally opened__ by a woman. __She __stood in front of me in all __her glory; she was the complete opposite of me. _

_She was tall, beautiful, and had a flair of confidence that I obviously lacked. Her heart-shaped face was framed by wavy light auburn hair that fell below her shoulders. Her olive eyes sparkled and reflected the happiness that she probably felt._

_Sh__e__ greeted me with the warmest smile which made me feel nervous. I didn't know what to do next. Sh__e__ surprised me by inviting me in. Once inside I'd lost all coherency due to my wracking nerves__.__I__ managed to ask for Edward, who __she said, __was taking a shower. I'd known then that whoever this girl was, she was important to Edward; probably even more so than me. _

_My doubts __were__ confirmed when sh__e__ introduced herself as Victoria Walker, Edward's girlfriend. She was James' daughter and business associate at the __firm. I__ apologized for intruding and bothering __them __at such a late hour, but __told her that __I needed to speak with Edward, which was no longer true. _

_There was __nothing __left __to do there__, yet__ I couldn't find the will to mov__e__. My feet felt cemented__,__ as the sorrow that began to overtake m__e__ weighed me down. When __I__ finally tried to leave__,__ Victoria stopped me, telling me I should wait for Edward, __so he could__ take me home. _

_When I __told her it wasn't necessary__, she said she wouldn't let me leave in my state__,__ which __then__ caused me to cry. I hadn't realized that it was so obvious __I__ was in such bad shape. __Though__ I hadn't slept for days__,__ and had been crying a lot__, I had at least wash__ed my face and attempted to look presentable before __showing up at Edward's house._

_She __sa__t me on the couch and hugged me, consoling me and telling me it was okay. She was wrong. Things were not okay. My world had just crumbled in front of me and there was no way to save me. It was apparent that Edward had been cheating on me for a while with Victoria. _

_As I __poured my heart out with my speechless cries, my heart broke even more. The air in my lungs seemed to escape me in its totality and I felt as all the oxygen left me. My heart begun to beat faster and I could literally feel it and hea__r it. _

_The pain in my heart, combined with the physical wear and tear on my body submerged me into a deep black sea of agony. It drowned me in a never-ending abyss which wouldn'__t let me float above. No matter how hard I had tried, I__'__d gotten stuck in the __midst of it all. I'__d loss the notion of time just as everything seemed to cease to exist._

_When I finally came to my senses, I realized I was in the hospital and that Edward was there with me. He was crying softly and hadn'__t noticed that I__'__d woken up. Over __and over he whispered apologies and repeated that it was his fault as he held my hand. _

_I waited to see what else he would say but it was always the same. After a few minutes I began to stir in my bed, finally alerting him that I was conscious. He immediately withdrew his hand and wiped his tears away. When he moved to leave, I stopped him; I wanted to know what had happened. I also needed to know more about Victoria, even if it hurt me even more._

_Edward proceeded to explain that I'__d had an anxiety attack whic__h combined with the exhaustion of not sleeping had led me to have a sudden cardiac arrest. Victoria had called the ambulance immediately and had taken me to the hospital; Edward had joined her afterward. _

_He had called Lucy so she could stay with me overnight, while I stayed in observation. Victoria had gone with her to buy a coffee and would be back soon. They had just been waiting for me to wake up so they could leave._

_It was then that I asked him what kind of relationship he'__d told Victoria he had with m__e. He seemed reluctant at first but then told me that he'__d just told her we were childhood friends. Apparently she believed him since she was still there. I didn__'__t ask who she was since I already knew, but I did want to know _how_ it had happened._

_Edward told me that the relationship hadn't been initiated by him__,__ but rather __it was __James __that __had pressured him into it. He had been so afraid that he'd lose his job__ that__ he went along with it until he was too caught up in __the__ game. When he realized that Victoria had fallen completely in love with him, he couldn't bear to break her heart__._

_He had tried to work something out but had no idea how to do it without hurting us both. Then, he explained how he had distanced himself from me to avoid seeing how he was hurting me; it had hurt him to do so too. The night that I had broken up with him, I'__d made things easier for him and gave him a way out of the situation__._

_I tried to take in everything h__e s__aid, but more than anything, I tried to accept it. I understood why he __didn't__ wan__t to__ break Victoria's heart__. S__he was such a loving and giving person. She had helped me without knowing who I was __because she__ assumed __that__ I was close to Edward__, whom she__'__d do anything for, obviously._

_When it was time to go, Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead once again, just as he had done before he'd left my apartment the morning after my birthday. He didn't say anything__,__ but in that kiss I felt how much it hurt him to leave __me__, how much love he still felt for me. It hurt to see him leave with Victoria__,__ but I knew that he had to do it. From that moment on, I knew that I had to learn to live without him__,__though __it wouldn't be easy._

_After I was released from the hospital, Lucy stayed with me for a few days to make sure I was okay. She also stayed to make sure I didn'__t have any reactions to the medicine I had just been prescribed. My cardiologist had given me Diazepam, which would help control my anxiety and allow me to sleep at night__._

It's at this moment that I remember I haven't taken my pills and run to the bathroom to my medicine cabinet. They would most definitely help me sleep. I open the cabinet with shaky hands and take out my prescription bottle. For just a second I wonder how many to take, if I should take more than one, but then remember they are pretty strong.

One pill would do.

I place the pill on my tongue and move my hands under the faucet once the cold water is running; I let the water pool and take a drink. As the pill makes its way down my throat, I close my eyes and beg for its' effects to come soon. I step out of the bathroom and walk back into my room.

Before going back to my chair by the window, I fix my bed in hopes that I'll finally be able to sleep. I'd thrown the covers and pillows unceremoniously around the room in a moment of rage and even stood the mattress against the door to make the room darker.

I take in my surroundings, as I return to my seat. Everything is a chaos, just like me. My glass is completely empty and sitting on the window sill. When I look at the bottle of scotch, I realize that I have drank more than what I thought.

Two-thirds of the alcohol is gone; it obviously fueled the rage I felt as I caused the destruction of everything around me. I can fix everything and put my room back together, but who can fix me? I am broken beyond repair, even more so than when I broke up with Edward.

Back then, apart from all the hurt, I'd had faith. Faith that maybe, just maybe, I could get him back.

That somehow Edward and I could have found a way to be together if things with Victoria did not work out. I had decided that I would wait, it could happen, it was a possibility.

But now, there is definitely no hope for me.

Tomorrow everything will change. After tomorrow, there will be no way that he could ever be mine again. All the hope that I'd harbored is futile and I can never get him back.

Edward and Victoria are getting married tomorrow.

Three days ago, as I sat in the same coffee house where Edward and I met, I saw the announcement of his wedding in the newspaper. When I saw their picture, my entire world came crashing down. I knew it could happen, that it was a very probable possibility, yet I refused to believe it.

It hurts too much to accept it, but it is true. What hurts me the most is _where_ I found out, since it has tainted the best memory I have of Edward and me.

How could God do this to me? Edward doesn't even love Victoria and she doesn't deserve that either. All three of us have unknowingly been victims of James, and now our futures are destined by him. Maybe over the years, Edward will grow to love Victoria, but I'll be alone.

I will never be able to love anyone the way that I loved Edward, ever again. Deep down inside, I know that my love for him has changed. I haven't been with him for that love to grow more and have only stayed with what we shared, and it's not enough.

I need his love to go on; to complete me. It has been as if he died the day that he stepped out of my life, never coming back. Unknowingly, I have been mourning his loss and the love that we used to have, all the months we have been apart. Bits of me have also died along the way; I have never been the same… I will never be the same.

I look back at the crumpled newspaper in my hands, the same one I read at the coffee shop, and press it against my aching chest. My eyes begin to droop, apparently from the pill's effect. The promise of the respite I have been searching for is near. I welcome it, embrace it even.

I move to my bed to lie in the middle, pulling the covers over me as I nestle myself in. I didn't realize how cold and exhausted I truly am until I start drifting away into a dream. The weight of the agony that I've been living in seems to lighten and pull me in further at the same time.

The pounding in my head echoes the pounding I feel in my chest, deafening everything but the sound of my broken yet beating heart. As my consciousness slips away all I can see is a brightness that lulls me into it.

The physical darkness near me tries to pull me away, battling with the light that surrounds me in my dream. I want the peace and comfort that the light promises. The darkness will not win; I am too tired to continue immersed in it, to fight it.

So I don't.

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**Long ass a/n: **Hmmm…. some of you are probably wondering what happened here, right?

Well, if you thought Bella died, it's true. I know, I just made y'all sad pandaz… but would you rather her live in despair? I think so not! I wouldn't. Did she do it on purpose? Nope. It was an accidental suicide caused by the mix of alcohol and Diazepam.

Diazepam is actually the new commercial name for Valium, and when it's combined with alcohol, it can be deadly. Bella didn't know this. Had she known that Valium was her actual prescribed medicine, I doubt she would have taken it. **This is why it's very important that you read the information all about your meds, peeps! **

She had a drug synergism in her system which caused her to hypoventilate, not hyperventilate, and die. I learned that in D.A.R.E. and had always wanted to use it. Hehehe… You can look up all these fancy-shmancy terms in Wikipedia, or Google it, like a very wise dude once said.

I apologize if I made you flail and got your heart all clenchy, but this shit happens all the time. Well, the heart break part mostly… Fortunately, sometimes, God sends angels into our life to save us.

**My angel is Lucy, this story is dedicated to her; I would not be here if it weren't for her. She saved me from Bella's tragic fate when I almost gave up on everything two years ago. I love her with all my heart and consider her more than family… even if she keeps insisting I need to learn how to read and write in Spanish!**

PS. I might have gotten the lyrics wrong but it worked for my story and Caleb Followill has really bad diction!

Reviews are always appreciated but bewbie gropes and spanks are preferred!


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